Sunday 30 October 2016

Tragedy is not the story. BCASW Conference presentation

I will be presenting at the annual BC Association of Social Workers 2016 conference in Vancouver.

Grief from loss of a loved one is a universal experience. But how we experience and process grief can be affected by whether this loss results from old age, accident or tragedy. Beyond learning about basic models, this interactive presentation will increase knowledge and skills in working with people impacted by tragic loss. By examining the complex grief reaction resulting from death by homicide as an example, participants will gain tools for practice and learn how to reclaim the story of loss.

Cut and paste this link to see how to register.

Wednesday 19 October 2016

Unceded Coast Salish Tradition Lands

I was thinking that it makes us feel good when we acknowledge that we are living on unceded territory but that it stops short of really doing anything other then fashionable awareness.

What if we could pay a royalty to the Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-Wauthth First Nations every time we said this?!?

Debriefings - Transforming the Story of Trauma

I created this video of my experience doing debriefings and what it is like to work with others to transform the effects of trauma. Click on the link to view it in Adobe Spark.


Tuesday 11 October 2016

First World Outreach

On there is a story about a couple from Canada who tried to make a difference in the life of a young orphaned Haitian boy who was physically disabled. They wanted to provide short term medical care, to give him the chance to walk and to give him a chance at life.

It is a grotesque story of good intentions lacking any basic understanding of First World egocentric insight. Imagine taking a white kid - not your own - out of Canada for an operation, to a country where no one spoke the kids language because you thought this would help him in the long run. It would not be acceptable, it would not be viewed as charitable and the motives of the couple would be questioned.

There was no intention of adopting this child from the get-go. There was no question to the community how could we make a difference for him here, how could we best support you to provide the best possible care in his home.

But so often, as First World folks we desire to help those less fortunate, those struggling with poverty and natural disasters, from trauma after trauma. But we like to do it on our terms. We like to feel that we have had a personal touch, we like fancy volunteer titles, we like to do outreach jobs that feel like we are "doing something." No one volunteers to spend $4000 to fly to another country to clean toilets, to feed cows or to wash dishes. We like to impose our ideas, our ways and our approach to communities to “help” them.

My Masters practicum / internship was on the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver. I wanted to work with street entrenched youth and conduct research on the barriers they faced. When I started at a very low-barrier drop-in program for street kids and working women (aka prostitutes) my job for the first month was to clean the drop-in center and serve lunch. I was told straight up: you want to be helpful, we need cleaning. You want to talk to the youth, make yourself useful.

The CBC story talks about the heart wrenching decision it was to take this boy back to Haiti after caring for him for a couple of YEARS. They excuse the disruption of attachment and bonding by basically saying he was already damaged goods. An ADHD diagnosis for this child is really a PTSD diagnosis. Where was the discourse on how outrageously wrong this was?

We do have a responsibility to advocate for those in need. We do have a luxury of helping others from a Canadian standpoint, but why can’t we ever look in our own backyard? What about our own atrocities and helping Canadians living without clean water and access to health care? Have you ever looked North? The CBC story didn’t end feeling rosy, but it also didn’t even come close to the couple recognizing that their North American egocentricity caused greater damage than good. So he can walk down an unpaved street with no sidewalks in a community that you tore him from? Where could he walk? What did you fix?

Monday 3 October 2016

Gender West

This weekend I attended the Gender West Conference in West Vancouver. They had thoughtful "Whatever" youth moderators introducing folks like Morgane Oger, an awesome transgender mom and an unpaid advocate as well as Marnie Goldenberg a sex-positive educator.

They were also selling these bathroom signs for fundraising. I couldn't resist!

un-doing White Feminism

There is an awesome cartoon description of white feminism from a website called Everyday Feminism. They've done an excellent job at helping folks not only understand privilege but also how to respond to comments meant to discredit people of color.

Sharing this link is one of my attempts to correct and pay attention to the stories I've been told which have influenced my way of being in the world.

Wednesday 28 September 2016


I would like to formally acknowledge that my work is taking place on the unceded territory of the Musqueam, Squamish and Tsleil-Waututh First Nations. And to acknowledge the city in which I work sits on the Coast Salish traditional land, which was never officially given up.

Saturday 17 September 2016

Best Parking Lot Sign Ever.

Finally a sign I can agree with.

White Privileged Men First Please

At this time, we'd like to welcome those passengers who are male, white, middle to upper class, straight, able-bodied, traveling alone or with a business partner, slim or average weight, less then 65 years old to be seated. Next, we would like to invite any woman who meets this description. If you are traveling with young children, with a physical or mental disability, are a refugee or new immigrant, uncomfortably over weight, identify as LGBTQ or look just LGBTQ, or if we can't figure out your gender by looking at you, please board the plane last. And if you are wearing any kind of religious headdress, please return to the ticket counter. Thank you and have a good flight.

Friday 19 August 2016

Racisim isn't just in Saskatchewan

Isn't it easy sitting near the Pacific Ocean, on a sunny summer day, not having to think about the tragedy in Saskatchewan?! Colten Boushie's family, friends and community didn't even have the privilege in the first place, to not think about racism. The fabric of Canadian society is wrought with racism. Every day micro-acts are committed. This 'personal issue' is political.

Friday 12 August 2016

Gender Odyssey Conference

I just got back from attending the Gender Odyssey conference in Seattle. Besides being surrounded by like-minded folks it was a great opportunity to stay current on personal, medical and political issues affecting transgender and gender variant people.

I have such compassion, admiration and celebration for families and individuals on a journey of a lifetime. Here's to not making that journey take a life-time.

Wednesday 4 May 2016

Wild Fires in Fort Mc Murray - Donate to Red Cross

If you want someone to show up for you in a crisis, you need to show up for others in a crisis. Make a donation to the Red Cross to help the evacuated residents of Fort Mc Murray.

Monday 11 January 2016

Meeting Joan Friedman and unpacking twins stories

I had the pleasure to meet Joan Friedman at the Multiple Births Canada conference this past September. I had spoken with her a few times over the last few years about twin dynamics, raising twins and limit setting. Joan is an expert on twins and one of her main messages is to reinforce the importance of seeing multiple birth children as unique individuals.

For the folks that I see raising multiples or who are themselves adult twins the messages in families - never mind society - play a huge role in individual development and self-actualization. The story you are told about yourself from birth plays a huge part in how you have relationships, how your organize yourself in the world and how you see opportunities or limits.

Little sayings

 I found some favorite little sayings when cleaning my office papers which is a nice way to frame a therapy process in the New Year.

The Irony is this: If you don't go In, you can't find out.

You can either Let Go or be Dragged.

Friday 8 January 2016

New Year Resolutions Reveal His-Story

New Years Resolution: Clean my office papers.

I stumbled upon the newspaper article I kept when the Famous Five finally made his-story by arriving on the $50 bill. Goodness, it's been 4 years since they have been removed from the $50 bill and replaced by a boat. Has it been that long since I last cleaned my office papers?